i think i'll go eat cereal and stare out the window

I used to make lists to help me sort through things.  But they don't help like they once did.  Maybe it's because I don't write them anymore or maybe it's because I don't know what to write at all.  It's like my life's a thrown-together bulletin board that never gets organized.  All of it's in a big, jumbled mess and just staring at it gives me a headache.  School, driver's test, summer job, middle college, guys.... it feels like everything's being hurled at me all at once.  And a list isn't gonna help me with any of that.

To be honest, I just need to cry.  I need to cry out all my worries about the future.  My fear of failure.  My silence around the only guy I actually want to talk to.  My frustration with my parents.  My questions for God.  But instead I'll write it out, because people don't like it when you cry.  They think you're weak and vulnerable.  But I am.  I'm tired and scared and confused. Wishful thinking only goes so far.

Anna's the smart girl.  She's knows everything.
I don't know everything.  I don't even know who I am.

Anna won't fail.  She'll succeed in whatever she decides to do.
But what if I do?  What then?

Anna doesn't need a guy.  She'll wait for God to bring the right man along.
I really like you.  I'd like to be friends.  Why can't you seem to make up your mind about me?

Anna's the perfect daughter.  Her parents must be so proud.
We argue.  I don't always do as I'm told.  And I don't always agree with what they say.

Anna's such a strong Christian.  She must be so close to God.
I struggle to see Jesus just like you do.  And as much as I want to be close to Him, I've still got a long way to go.

Truth be told, I'm just your average teenager that doesn't know left from right.  I don't know where I'm going in life or what I'll eat for supper tonight.  So I'll just sit here and listen to Matthew Thiessen sing the lyrics that echo my heart.

jefferson airplane, i'm trapped and i am enclosed
but i won't complain, i'll open all the windows
jefferson airplane i'm trapped and i am encolsed
but i won't complain i'll open all the windows 

'cause when it's colder, i feel much better 
when i cry on my own shoulder
i'll just throw on a sweater and go

and i'll go, to undergo a surgery to purge me of this lonely mood
and my ego, the status quo, provides me with a decent attitude
and i'll go to undergo a change of heart, a change of clothes
and when i'm home, i think i'll go eat cereal and stare out the window