growing pains

honesty hour, guys. i really should be writing out note cards for bio or typing my one page reflection for creative writing or even trying to understand the oh-so-horrendous trigonometry. but here i am, being the irresponsible college (slash high school) kid that i am and writing a blog post in all lowercase letters instead.

no one told me growing up was going to be this hard. hard and monotonous and beautiful all at once.  it's terrifying when you realize eight months from now you won't go to sleep in your own bed or share a bathroom with your parents.  that if you cry in the shower a stranger might hear and think you're depressed when really it's just your way of coping with life.  that you won't know all the backroads anymore or run into people you know at walmart.  that your parents won't be there reminding you to do your checkbook or pick up your messy room.  that your best friend will be miles away in a universe opposite yours.  that you will have to find a new church to be a part of and attend.  that you'll have to study for finals without your mom and buy your own groceries and gas.  it all sounds so unreal, like a dream.

but at the same time, you're ready.  you have been ready your entire life.  since you were a toddler waddling around living room, you have been ready to be on your own.  to taste independence for the first time.

you know you're prepared, yet something's holding you back.  that voice in the back of your mind telling you, "but what if you fail?  what if you screw this up too?"

so this is me saying, "i may fail and fail miserably.  i may screw this up as i have a million things a million times before.  but life is beckoning and it's finally my turn to answer.  no matter what happens, Jesus will always love me.  my parents will always love me.  my dearest friends will always love me.  and in the end, that's all that i need.  my Jesus standing with open arms and the people that care about me more than life itself.  that's why i have to go.  for them, and for me."

keeping it real | collapsible lung

As all of you know, I am a major Relient K fan.  Major.  The Matts and the Johns can do know wrong in my eyes.

Or so I thought.

After a whopping four-year wait for their new album, I was expecting perfection.  I mean, let's be real.  After songs like "This Is The End (If You Want It)," my standards were set pretty high.  For those of you who don't know, the song makes allusions to Narnia and somehow works even though it's about a breakup.  Genius, I know.  Seven albums and I had remained completely smitten with these alternative rockers.  But when I began listening to Collapsible Lung, I nearly collapsed.

I was sitting at my computer listening to the exclusive preview on Pandora, and the words coming through my headphones were not what I'd been hoping to hear.  Words like bar and sexy and stuff you'd hear on the top 10 radio hits.  This could not be my Relient K.  They would never do this.  All I could think was "Not my band.  Not my boys..."

That's when I realized something -- something that I had never concluded before this album.

They aren't perfect.

See, I would've never said that I thought they were perfect.  If you asked me, I would've been like, "Well of course not.  That's what makes their music so good.  It's real."

That's the thing -- this album is real.  This is what Matt Thiessen has lived the past four years.  So he made some mistakes.  We all do.  He could've written with wit and charisma and stolen our hearts once again.  He could've swept it all under the rug like it never happened.  I mean, don't you think it was hard for him to release this album after songs like "What've You Been Doing Lately" and "Down in Flames"?  Don't you think he was worried about being labeled a hypocrite or a fake?  I know I would be if I were him.

Instead, though, he chose to be honest with us.  And it takes a man of true integrity to do that.  Matt, I just want you to know that it's okay.  That we all screw up because guess what?  We're not Jesus.  And no matter how hard we strive to be like Him, we're gonna fall short.  The good part?  He always picks you back up.  I know because a guy told me so.  He's a pretty amazing fella.

"When I go down,
I lift my eyes to You.
I won't look very far,
'Cause You'll be there
With open arms.
To lift me up again,
To lift me up again."