"Fire that's so contagious it's taking over me and you can't stop it."
Lately I've been craving to stand out. To be completely weird in today's society, to just go crazy and not care what anyone else thinks. I'm sick of the norm. I want drastic change, and I want it now.
Every day life is mundane. It's not that I'm not grateful-- I love every moment that Jesus chooses to give me. But it feels like I'm breathing in apathy instead of oxygen. People merely pass me by. They don't care about my story. They don't know that I'm sincerely interested in theirs.
My mom says I'm feeling rebellious, but I really don't think that's it. I still want to abide by the rules-- I still want to do my homework, run track, read my Bible diligently, worship Jesus with all that I am. I just want to start headfirst in the opposite direction of the crowd. Not only do I want my actions to reflect my differentness, I want my appearance to as well. We're supposed to be a peculiar people... why not go all out?
"They see us coming from miles away. There's no hiding or denying 'cause we're not ashamed. With our hands up in the air, boys and girls, they start to stare. It's a wonder... can you feel it?"
No, I don't want to wear black or get a tongue piercing or anything of that sort. No tattoos or markings. Though I am considering a wild hairstyle or a random wardrobe. I don't know. Something. Something to let everyone know that God made me unique just like He made them unique. That even though I'm crazy, I'm crazy for Jesus.
"If I acted crazy; I did it for God; if I acted overly serious, I did it for you. Christ's love has moved me to such extremes. His love has the first and last word in everything we do." --2 Corinthians 5:13-14
I mean, I've been completely filled up on the inside. Shouldn't it overflow to the outside? I'm a fanatic.. is it wrong to look like one?
lyrics from "Glow" by Britt Nicole
I want to be different too. I want to stand out. With my apperance too. (:
ReplyDeleteoh anna, YES. i so agree. i sometimes wonder what it would feel to just utterly and completely and truly let go of what society thinks and glow. and i'm terrified.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with every word! I long to be different to stand out and make a difference! I don't really care if people think I'm weird for wearing hippie headbands, TOMs, and interesting outfits. I want people to see me as different because I LOVE JESUS!!
ReplyDeleteBeing Different is truly the way to go! :)
xoxo,
Madeline
www.FlameintheDarkness.com
anna anna anna. I MISS YOU. and for some reason your posts have not been showing up on my dashboard, thus leaving me to feel that one of the two of us has dropped off the face of the planet.
ReplyDeleteso first off: your header photo is epic.
k.
now for this post.
hmm. I getcha. though admittedly, I've never been one of those people that has had the desire to go funky with my hair or wardrobe. I think--I think people must see it in you, anna. see Jesus in you. how could they not? I sometimes think, "geez, does anyone even realize that I'm different because I have Jesus? am I different?"
but then, this one dude I act with (definitely not a Christian & openly so)...I know he knows. our cast will pray together, and even though he doesn't join us, he notices. and I pray that maybe just that little act is a light. and then there's this girl in one of my classes. just today I found out she's a Christian because we got talking about classes and professors and teaching styles and beliefs and...she saw the banner on my phone. which reads: "God is love." and we clicked.
so what I'm saying is this. be different, because you are. don't try to hide it. but don't feel as if you have to prove it to anyone either. God works in so many ways that we could never even think of. he wants us & our witness, but he sure doesn't need our help.
why are you striving these days?
ya don't have to. you have Jesus, and let me tell you, it's pretty dang beautifully obvious to me. (:
(basically I just felt like sticking a song lyric up there because it made me feel cool like you. heheh.)
and I apologize--this has been a weirdly thoughtful/emotional week for me, and as such I have been extremely wordy. geez this is long.
so goodbye now, dear. ♥♥
love this. truly truly. i've been kinda frustrated with just being normal and acting like everyone else and i keep trying to break out, but i don't think i've been trying hard enough. i'm not confident enough in who i am, in the girl God created me to be. and i love that verse, 2 Corinthians 5:13-14. thank you, thank you, thank you.
ReplyDeleteAmen sista!! this is exactly how i've been feeling lately so....mind if i do a post on this topic?? trust me, it'll be different than yours (your writing definitely puts mine to shame!!) , but if you don't mind, i'd really like to do my own take on this. That ok?? if not, that's perfect fine too <3
ReplyDelete~Chelsea<3
my dear Anna,
ReplyDeleteBritt sure knows how to move us with her lyrics, eh?
To be quite honest, you're already different---you're different because you have morals and dreams that most kids our age don't have. You're different because you have the love of Jesus pouring out of you. You're different because He is in you.
But this is all apparent to me because I know you. If you're wanting strangers to realize you're different....go for it. Try out a new hairstyle, or rock some flashy shoes. I'll be behind you all the way :)
love always {and forever},
your soul-sis
If you're really interested in wanting to be different from the world, you must read Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris! You can read it over and over and never get tired of it! It's been soo helpful to me.... I hope it is to you too! they have an awesome blog called therebelution.com.... I highly recommend the site :) they are awesome authors :D you won't regret buying the book! also, their older bro Josh Harris is senior pastor of my church :D your sis in Christ,
ReplyDeleteRach D.
that's so cool, rachel! that their older brother is senior pastor at your church. and i've heard a ton of good things about their book, i just haven't gotten around to reading it yet. guess i should put it at the top of my ta-do list, eh?
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