dreaming never hurt anyone

i really don't feel like capitalizing anything tonight, nor do i really know what to write. so let me ramble on please, because i like to ramble and it's one of the only things that truly comes easily to me.

it feels weird, growing up. when you're little you always want to. you pretend you're a mom with three kids of your own, who are really just your friends renamed, and say that "dad's away on business" because boys are too icky to play with. least that's what i did.

then you get to middle school and you realize boys, well one boy, isn't all that icky and is actually kind of funny and nice even though he smells terrible after gym class and drenches himself in some kind of axe. you hope he'll sit by you in class or say hi to you in the hallway because for some reason, his smile makes your heart beat a little faster and your hands sweat when he's close. but you eventually get over him because it turns out he's more obnoxious than you once thought.

then you hit high school, and everybody has somebody. or so it seems. and you wonder if people are really as happy as they seem to be, but you can never be sure because you know the smile on your face isn't always a real one. you can't help but think that couples are happy and that you somehow need to find that person that makes you happy but it never happens. because the guy you like always likes someone else, never you.

so you sit quietly on the sidelines watching his dark eyes dance when people laugh at his jokes or when he makes an A on a test. you smile contentedly to yourself whenever he wears his neon green shirt because you think he looks like a movie star when he wears it. and you can't help but hope that even though he's focused on someone else, that one day, he'll notice you. that his dark eyes will meet yours and that something will click.

a crazy dream, you know that. but it's a dream, nonetheless. and dreaming never hurt anyone.