growing pains

honesty hour, guys. i really should be writing out note cards for bio or typing my one page reflection for creative writing or even trying to understand the oh-so-horrendous trigonometry. but here i am, being the irresponsible college (slash high school) kid that i am and writing a blog post in all lowercase letters instead.

no one told me growing up was going to be this hard. hard and monotonous and beautiful all at once.  it's terrifying when you realize eight months from now you won't go to sleep in your own bed or share a bathroom with your parents.  that if you cry in the shower a stranger might hear and think you're depressed when really it's just your way of coping with life.  that you won't know all the backroads anymore or run into people you know at walmart.  that your parents won't be there reminding you to do your checkbook or pick up your messy room.  that your best friend will be miles away in a universe opposite yours.  that you will have to find a new church to be a part of and attend.  that you'll have to study for finals without your mom and buy your own groceries and gas.  it all sounds so unreal, like a dream.

but at the same time, you're ready.  you have been ready your entire life.  since you were a toddler waddling around living room, you have been ready to be on your own.  to taste independence for the first time.

you know you're prepared, yet something's holding you back.  that voice in the back of your mind telling you, "but what if you fail?  what if you screw this up too?"

so this is me saying, "i may fail and fail miserably.  i may screw this up as i have a million things a million times before.  but life is beckoning and it's finally my turn to answer.  no matter what happens, Jesus will always love me.  my parents will always love me.  my dearest friends will always love me.  and in the end, that's all that i need.  my Jesus standing with open arms and the people that care about me more than life itself.  that's why i have to go.  for them, and for me."