like yesterday

i honestly cannot quite grasp that i am a senior in high school.  that i am looking at colleges to attend and will be moving away from home soon.  it's the most bittersweet feeling i have experienced in my 17 -- almost 18 -- years.  tomorrow, i will be 18 in 18 days.  that's another thing i have yet to fully accept.

because of my time at middle college, i'll be one semester away from being a junior in college.  i won't be taking classes with new, awkward freshman.  i'll be with experienced pros, and that kind of freaks me out.  i mean, i've always gotten along better with people a couple years older than me, but it'll be intimidating to be surrounded by them. and i know i'll find my place eventually, but the thought of aimlessly searching for that place is terrifying.

i remember when i was a brace-faced sixth grader, stomach churning as i walked in the doors of the middle school.  i wanted to be a singer/songwriter like taylor swift; i wanted to be fearless.  and i'm sitting here listening to "hey there delilah," not believing it was released eight years ago. oh how desperately i wished for people's approval back then. and how i learned it's only Jesus' opinion that matters in the end.  clifford and dragon tales and zoom and arthur.  aaron carter's one hit single and writing cursive Ls. looking forward to the magic school bus on saturday mornings. singing the books of the Bible in the car with mom. sitting barefoot on the front porch in cutoffs with my goldie girl, sharing bologna sandwiches.

it all seems so vivid. like yesterday.